tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91082870918532822732024-03-13T09:12:28.590+00:00The Satirical ChristianThe Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-48558543027464131722012-12-11T20:34:00.002+00:002012-12-11T20:34:57.250+00:0021st Century opt-out ...
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAZeoFjyVNp4jKKPXpurCMlIt4oNsJsvszF_Pu76HW4G48-ULPxDKVVKnG9rliXjMMDtEbxoJ1-WJ0eYLE10RpWLxZQY3CO5mCUlbkAIR7XQ9CgJEoYEHburMM0a-qHjSR3xzsXiWkeJY/s1600/trapped+in+the+past.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAZeoFjyVNp4jKKPXpurCMlIt4oNsJsvszF_Pu76HW4G48-ULPxDKVVKnG9rliXjMMDtEbxoJ1-WJ0eYLE10RpWLxZQY3CO5mCUlbkAIR7XQ9CgJEoYEHburMM0a-qHjSR3xzsXiWkeJY/s1600/trapped+in+the+past.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The <strong><a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-20680924" target="_blank">UK Government</a></strong> has
bowed to pressure from the Church of England and agreed to give it an opt-out
from the 21st Century.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Following in the
well-worn footsteps of previous governments, the Church of England has been
given assurances that its tradition of remaining in the past can continue
unchallenged.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">The Church had
already been given an opt-out from the 20th Century when it was
given exemption from equality legislation for women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it has been given the 21st
Century Opt-out to exempt it from marrying gay couples.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">A church spokesman welcomed
the news saying that “The Church of England is totally at home in the 19th
Century, and we don’t see why on earth that should change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any move to drag us into another century is
completely against our principals.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">A government spokesperson
said she couldn’t work out what all the fuss was about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The Church of England is famous for its
anachronistic views, and we believe that it is important to maintain and
strengthen the extent of its irrelevance.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">But some in the
church still say that the church has a prophetic role in calling the nation
back to that central tenet of faith – the importance of Victorian values.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Why can’t everybody just be like us?” asked
a member of the House of Laity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">And the Opt-out has
found a welcome from an unexpected source.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Human Secularist Society of Great Britain has expressed its delight
that yet again, the Church of England has consigned itself to the museum of
antiquated curiosities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It’s not so
much prophetic, as pathetic” they said, “and that suits us just fine!”</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
</div>
The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com0Mars, Skyland Addn Unit 1, NM 87059, USA34.9871983 -106.351546834.980693800000005 -106.3614173 34.9937028 -106.34167629999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-50827039677451141192012-12-04T22:43:00.000+00:002012-12-04T22:49:25.938+00:00The tide turns on women...<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3cfvjeCZtTqu8eU1hl9Eo2qSoUt0FEHAVYFPKWiSBlDnJGapvzcRJ8Bx5P7BKEv6vzozFHaKl9sjSegbHrLkrkqm_lTFOw1DGfU0QsxYxBbn64rheQPS_qenrzwn1AE6rKSiJBrpa8_E/s1600/women+afraid.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3cfvjeCZtTqu8eU1hl9Eo2qSoUt0FEHAVYFPKWiSBlDnJGapvzcRJ8Bx5P7BKEv6vzozFHaKl9sjSegbHrLkrkqm_lTFOw1DGfU0QsxYxBbn64rheQPS_qenrzwn1AE6rKSiJBrpa8_E/s320/women+afraid.gif" width="290" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Opponents of
women’s leadership in church chalked up another significant victory this week.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After seeing
off the prospect of Women Bishops in the Church of England, news has come in that
Bristol University has joined the fray as it’s Christian Union (<strong><a href="http://www.bristolcu.org.uk/" target="_blank">BUCU</a></strong>) banned
women from preaching or teaching at its events.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">According to
the <strong><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/12/04/bristol-university-christian-union-ban-women-speaking-meetings_n_2236586.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=3027523,b=facebook" target="_blank">Huffington Post</a></strong>, the BUCU President, Matt Oliver has written to all CU
members saying that they have “</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;">decided that women would not teach on
their own at our weekly CU meetings, as the main speaker on our Bristol CU
weekend away, or as our main speaker for mission weeks.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Conservatives have expressed delight at this forthright
stand on Biblical principles in excluding those not worthy of teaching in the
church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One such traditionalist said, “Now
at last we are getting somewhere.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
years we have been on the run but now Biblical teaching is making a come-back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Banning women speakers is the first step back
to a well ordered Christian society where women know their place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Bible says that women will be ‘saved by
child-bearing’(<strong><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1 Timothy+2:15&version=NIVUK" target="_blank">1 Timothy 2:15</a></strong>) and it’s about time they got back to this
central role. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, for one, would be happy
to help!”<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BmgPPkq6Omrn9deKb-33FY15bQFaYjh_l2zTtAjI4TdlqFUw21v-fjv59gwnGC4RTsaO27cUfR8Ps8q1PtL2_tOJvL-wgruBamPVCvz2i9o0XqtwsipnNMpTsg353-IV8vFZMvAOnik/s1600/BUCU.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5BmgPPkq6Omrn9deKb-33FY15bQFaYjh_l2zTtAjI4TdlqFUw21v-fjv59gwnGC4RTsaO27cUfR8Ps8q1PtL2_tOJvL-wgruBamPVCvz2i9o0XqtwsipnNMpTsg353-IV8vFZMvAOnik/s1600/BUCU.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;">But there has been disquiet among some who are still
worried that BUCU is going wooly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have
been suggestions that a woman may speak if she is accompanied by her husband
and they teach together – a dangerous compromise according to some.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Others are
less impressed – and have described this decision as obscene, hugely
discriminatory, deeply offensive, and sexist. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There have been suggestions that that if the
Christian Union wants to be so forthright in their stand against women, they
should change their name from the ‘Bristol University Christian Union (BUCU) to
the ‘Forthright University Christian Union.’ (FUCU).<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rumours that
conservatives responded to this by saying ‘Amen’ have been strongly denied.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But elsewhere
in Bristol this week, a very different message has been agreed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><strong><a href="http://www.bristol.anglican.org/wordpress/?p=11060" target="_blank">Bristol Diocesan Synod</a></strong> has passed a vote of ‘no
confidence’ in the General Synod’s ability to enact ‘the clear will of the church’
on Women Bishops, pointing out that 42 of the 44 Dioceses of the Church of
England voted clearly in favour of women’s leadership.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps the
tide has not fully turned…<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com0Mars, Skyland Addn Unit 1, NM 87059, USA34.9871983 -106.351546834.980693800000005 -106.3614173 34.9937028 -106.34167629999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-21771697394703342352012-04-25T21:31:00.000+01:002012-04-25T21:31:33.481+01:00Canterbury faces Transportation to the Colonies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3FkwxmXMozTCNN8y77Fsi5rkNbCp6FHpX-WdpTD7mzV_PHg3mmK3GDwY6awuBhBEVdYGoDxBA3ByZmimcEnpDUNXQIqf51CYP9DpKsQnBETSMymBkbrGvf6Arbd-dFzv8NBIhXAgfIsw/s1600/transportation+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3FkwxmXMozTCNN8y77Fsi5rkNbCp6FHpX-WdpTD7mzV_PHg3mmK3GDwY6awuBhBEVdYGoDxBA3ByZmimcEnpDUNXQIqf51CYP9DpKsQnBETSMymBkbrGvf6Arbd-dFzv8NBIhXAgfIsw/s320/transportation+2.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The verdict is in – NAFCON and the little FOCA’s have passed
sentence on the Archbishop of Canterbury. They have determined that for crimes
against the Anglican Communion, the Archbishopric of Canterbury will be
transported to Australia.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time honoured tradition where criminals, convicts and
dangerous revolutionaries were transported to the penal colonies of the New
World has been revived just in time to choose the next Archbishop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Barring storms on the long voyage the
transfer should be in place when Rowan Williams steps down at the end of this
year.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Archbishops
from Kenya and Nigeria are among those who have claimed that Africa is being
ignored in the Anglican Communion and so have unanimously voted to transport
Canterbury to Sydney for the foreseeable future.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Leaders from NAFCON said "We are fed up of the Archbishop of Canterbury telling us what to do, so we want the Archbishop of Syndney to tell us instead". Lambeth Palace responded by pointing out that Rowan Williams has never told anyone what to do, which some conservatives think is the real problem.</span></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;">Speaking to the Press Gangs, the present <strong><a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/religion/9221603/Archbishop-of-Canterbury-to-lose-worldwide-Anglican-role-under-traditionalist-plans.html">Archbishop of Sydney said</a></strong> it would be wrong to consider the Archbishop of Canterbury as
“leader” of the Anglican church, something he said represented an “Anglocentric
view of the world”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So Canterbury will be relocated to Sydney, and will lead the worldwide
Anglican</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> church is opposing ‘<strong><a href="http://www.anglican-mainstream.net/2012/04/24/evangelical-groups-accuse-rebel-liberal-bishops-of-bully-boy-tactics-and-neo-paganism/">neo-pagan</a></strong> relativism, revisionism and
redefinition’ in the Christian faith, ushering in a new era of
SydnoCentric Christianity.</span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In a separate development, <strong><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/apr/24/boris-johnson-anti-gay-ads">Anglican Extreme and The Bore Issues Trust</a></strong> have announced plans to deport all London Buses to Sydney in order
to enable their recent planned advert and poster campaign to go ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ‘<strong><em>Not Gay and Very Very Very Proud of it –
Thank God!</em></strong>’ campaign can then proceed as planned before the demonic Mayor of
London spoilt their fun.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A spokesman (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">a real man
- and very proud of it</i>) for the groups said they were going to ‘shake the
dust from their feet’ and catch the Number 12 to Australia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is understood however that route Number
666 will still operate between Lambeth Palace and Stonehenge on weekdays only.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com3United Kingdom55.378051 -3.43597336.641164 -43.8656605 74.114938 36.9937145tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-35601540209448978832012-02-20T08:43:00.001+00:002012-02-20T08:46:19.284+00:00In praise of Arranged Marriage...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfs9gXlS5LbPHZdSe8NU56FnSYNHmtn7zuoJvLTcDgORpiYrweJrFrnVRjNDJbh63zQqbQGB1IuLnDs3orYf7ZWYcdi-pQpGbXIYsAJyMHp6s2CwGsq2-eEox1g6fUZx39s2dWvBfz9qw/s1600/Graham+Kings+cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfs9gXlS5LbPHZdSe8NU56FnSYNHmtn7zuoJvLTcDgORpiYrweJrFrnVRjNDJbh63zQqbQGB1IuLnDs3orYf7ZWYcdi-pQpGbXIYsAJyMHp6s2CwGsq2-eEox1g6fUZx39s2dWvBfz9qw/s1600/Graham+Kings+cropped.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">It would be such a shame not to let the Bride walk up the
aisle!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That seemed to be the message
from </span></span><a href="http://www.fulcrum-anglican.org.uk/page.cfm?ID=695"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Bishop Graham Kings</span></span></b></a><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"> last
weekend, in a speech to support the Anglican Covenant.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Even if she isn't sure she wants to go through with it, it
would be tragic to stop the wedding plans - the Archbishop has bought her a
beautiful dress and the flowers will be lovely!</span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Talking of
the Covenant in terms reminiscent of the Marriage service in the Book of Common
Prayer, he points out that the parents of the bride have worked so hard to put
it all together, and their hard work, "<em>should not be dismissed today
‘unadvisedly, lightly or wantonl</em>y’"<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Instead,
this arranged marriage between the members of the Anglican Communion
"<em>should be accepted ‘reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly and in the
fear of God’</em>."<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">This
surprising concept of marriage in the 21st Century seems to take little notice
of the wishes of the partners who are to be married - after all, what do they
know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No need for a shotgun here though
- not when the 'fear of God' is involved.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">The problem
is, of course, that the prospective marriage partners are getting decidedly twitchy
feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out of the 15 Dioceses in the CofE
who have now voted on the Anglican Covenant, 10 of them have voted 'No',
including Bishop Kings' diocese of Salisbury.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Even so, the
Bishop pleaded, <em>"It is vitally important that<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the Covenant is discussed at General Synod in
July.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If less than half of the Dioceses
vote for the Anglican Communion Covenant, it will not be allowed to be
discussed at General Synod. That would be tragic."<o:p></o:p></em></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Readers of
this blog will remember of course, that General Synod has already discussed the
Covenant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many people spoke against it
including one Bishop who said it would lead to </span></span><a href="http://thesatiricalchristian.blogspot.com/2010/11/factory-farming-at-church-of-good.html"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">'factory farmed religion</span></span></b></a><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"> rather than free range faith'.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Synod members who were inclined to vote
against it were told that it would be wrong to do that because, after all they
were only voting to pass it on to dioceses for consideration. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Now however,
as the </span></span><a href="http://thesatiricalchristian.blogspot.com/2011/03/ecclesiastical-dominos.html"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0070c0; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Ecclesiastical Dominos</span></span></b></a><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"> have failed to fall in line, the
message appears to have changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now it
would be a great shame for dioceses do not return it to General Synod for
discussion, according to Bishop Kings - even though they don't want it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So when is
the right time to pull out of a wedding?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is it better to wait for the wedding day?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the wedding service perhaps?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed, for the moment of the vows?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterall, the planning, the arrangements,
the detail which has gone into putting together a wedding of this size, is so
much more important than the marriage which follows.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Or is Bishop
Kings hoping that if the bride gets all the way to the altar, she won't have
the courage to duck out of the final vows in front of her assembled family
and friends?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Either way,
you would think that a bishop would know that unless the partners are
genuinely committed, it really is better to think twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And all the evidence from the CofE points to
ambivalent mistrust rather than committed love.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">The real problem with the marriage metaphore, however, is that the Anglican Communion is more like an existing family of brothers and sisters, rather than a loving couple in the flush of first love. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">And the Prayer Book specifically forbids marriage between siblings because of the bad blood it breeds. </span></span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">So surely it would be better to stop the wedding before things get really out of hand.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Whichever way you look at it, this marriage is a bad idea and the best advice anyone could give are those three immortal words...</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strong>Walk Away Now</strong></span> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-23586633765393774432012-02-07T15:51:00.003+00:002012-02-07T15:53:22.900+00:00BOGOF Bishops<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqfLe3ybDazZrlIOWz7sHzSE6r1kZm4KmmkQ3R8qjQQwaAH28UuaTV14TSZnoA9Vt4Kku_Z3aXoIHVrux_fUiaoAGiTV9i4xtqieNxkgB0_padLaCP17e6kB0VDKyz6j161nnJkTetkrE/s1600/Bogof.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" sda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqfLe3ybDazZrlIOWz7sHzSE6r1kZm4KmmkQ3R8qjQQwaAH28UuaTV14TSZnoA9Vt4Kku_Z3aXoIHVrux_fUiaoAGiTV9i4xtqieNxkgB0_padLaCP17e6kB0VDKyz6j161nnJkTetkrE/s1600/Bogof.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>The Church of England has come up with a new scheme to keep its customers in the cut-throat world of ecclesiastical consumerism.</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>In a bid to keep its loyal customers who prefer their bishops to have balls, the CofE is proposing a bumper deal for traditionalists – BOGOF – Buy one get one free!</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>The special offer ensures that a male bishop comes free with every female bishop appointed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two for the price of one!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>And who could possibly refuse this mega-offer?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely it is too good to be true?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Surely, there must be a catch?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And there is!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can only get your free BOGOF Bishop if you choose a woman in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>So there is an irony in the idea…</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>BOGOF Bishops are being put forward to ensure that traditionalists stay within the church – but the effect of BOGOF Bishops could be to encourage the appointment of women to take advantage of this special deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every diocese who wants to cash in would have to choose a woman bishop in the first place to benefit to the full.</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>So perhaps then the CofE should go further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the interests of equality, perhaps the BOGOF Bishops deal should extend its appeal, and insist that the offer applies to all episcopal appointments.</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Appoint a woman Bishop and get a male one free!</strong></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Appoint a male Bishop and get a female one free!</strong></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>That way everyone would get the BOGOF Bishop deal, and the CofE would doubtless double its annual turnover as a result.</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>Or would it...?</strong></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-53631535906930691402012-01-19T18:45:00.000+00:002012-01-19T18:48:49.828+00:00Mush Soup<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM39VihClkUA-kmxSFJzi0Ub8wtOCJMArtrBPXaKsf-Le3y-rT1NlNphPdq88fU1P1i7W72cucN8gNBb-tl3-3t-8lCHX2NxY_Vyfo0t64OF2U3XW3zajsNMu35aPRWE-a9xiS5cRCAZU/s1600/mush.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="302" nfa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM39VihClkUA-kmxSFJzi0Ub8wtOCJMArtrBPXaKsf-Le3y-rT1NlNphPdq88fU1P1i7W72cucN8gNBb-tl3-3t-8lCHX2NxY_Vyfo0t64OF2U3XW3zajsNMu35aPRWE-a9xiS5cRCAZU/s320/mush.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is one rule of cooking which always applies.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">It doesn’t matter how talented you are, you can only get out what you put in – ingredients are everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t make salmon en croute without salmon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can’t make mushroom soup without mushrooms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>You get the idea.</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9ht5eCsWuE8QSPOZi0Yj1wdAKD8-7-1tB3yur3L6r0yXeovhmb-ydwHakh-p7zINVyLWZ_EDATvZiaR_H_GVYj83xJpMLUtJZMUMwV3R4mAtEx72zncJaD1ZUpml0-Bdf_dnyWI3JhSg/s1600/Reader+rabbit+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" nfa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9ht5eCsWuE8QSPOZi0Yj1wdAKD8-7-1tB3yur3L6r0yXeovhmb-ydwHakh-p7zINVyLWZ_EDATvZiaR_H_GVYj83xJpMLUtJZMUMwV3R4mAtEx72zncJaD1ZUpml0-Bdf_dnyWI3JhSg/s200/Reader+rabbit+2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">There is an educational children’s computer game called Reader Rabbit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In one of the scenes you have to choose the right ingredients for the chef to make the required dish in the restaurant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get the ingredients right and you get congratulated – get it wrong and the chef makes ‘Mush’.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So who forgot to tell the Church of England?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">In appointing a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://churchofengland.org/media-centre/news/2012/01/group-to-advise-house-of-bishops-on-human-sexuality-announced.aspx">review group</a></b> to reconsider the church’s teaching on sexuality, you would think that the right ingredients would be a key consideration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to some extent it was…</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">After all, the House of Bishops decided to look outside the rarefied atmosphere of the episcopacy for someone to chair the group, and picked a retired civil servant with experience of working in some of the most contentious areas of Government<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Pilling">Sir Joseph Pilling</a></b> was permanent secretary at the Northern Ireland Office and in retirement took on the unenviable task of being Commissioner for the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://forum.no2id.net/viewtopic.php?t=29400">Identity Card</a></b> scheme that no-one wanted.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">But having expanded the membership of the group to include non-bishops (is that a word?) why have they still appointed an all-male group?</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaL1q7sQqXQ__vskwxPiEr-_p-FHCVxuyr98ARn5S8qoMiMqGsKp2QIaCha6Bd_Lw_m-BobAiEGc7RcrVjOGmr4WU3dqBQPP19rA8zPL__tXqA1ICcJ2Z0Rd0Taa02af3MnCWxTMTbcRY/s1600/Women-Sign-1322874.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nfa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaL1q7sQqXQ__vskwxPiEr-_p-FHCVxuyr98ARn5S8qoMiMqGsKp2QIaCha6Bd_Lw_m-BobAiEGc7RcrVjOGmr4WU3dqBQPP19rA8zPL__tXqA1ICcJ2Z0Rd0Taa02af3MnCWxTMTbcRY/s1600/Women-Sign-1322874.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">That’s right – no women – after all, what do they know about sexuality?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone knows that men know all that there is to know about sexuality – don’t they?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why would they possibly need a woman or two?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mind you – that’s not the only surprise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">In an issue that is as contentious as sexuality, where any radical recommendations will need powerful advocates to get them considered seriously, why is there only one diocesan Bishop on the review group? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The others are suffragans or assistant Bishops – and a flying Bishop caring for those who can’t cope with a gender inclusive church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps that is why there are no women?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At any rate, they are certainly not part of the inner circle of power in the CofE. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">So what can we conclude?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">That the House of Bishops will get out exactly what they put into this review.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">It will be well argued and inconclusive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Incomplete and thoroughly male.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There will be nothing fundamentally new and certainly nothing to challenge the status quo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Just more of the same - Mush soup.</span></span></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-25872411337518194552011-12-21T21:43:00.001+00:002011-12-21T21:43:37.085+00:00Pantomime comes to Durham...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNaVo-y86LU1cn3I0wywvlY4HTYiXDUnWWkF64wW_L-O_ly56_yz4_SDrhvdxSK_V7E5QsV8rB-7-miUx-nJjk0auE5lhOtJ4g3y0rrCfHmHWaN2LABzluhnvkIA-xhitfw4BqgdQWw4/s1600/hook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNaVo-y86LU1cn3I0wywvlY4HTYiXDUnWWkF64wW_L-O_ly56_yz4_SDrhvdxSK_V7E5QsV8rB-7-miUx-nJjk0auE5lhOtJ4g3y0rrCfHmHWaN2LABzluhnvkIA-xhitfw4BqgdQWw4/s320/hook.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">The new Church Commissioners Pantomime opened to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/the-northerner/2011/dec/19/religion-art"><span style="color: blue;">disappointed
audiences in Durham</span></a></b> last week.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">With a plot straight from the pages of Peter Pan and Captain
Hook, there have been all the usual pantomime jokes, but it seems that no-one
is laughing.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Buccaneer Andreas 'Hook' Whittam Smith has crossed swords with Banker
Jonathan Ruffer-Pan in a feast of ducking a diving, with cries of "Oh yes
it is!" and "Oh not it isn't!" over a £15 million pound deal for
the famous Zurburan paintings.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">In the background Andrew 'Smee' Brown has played the
conscientious side-kick whose pedigree in selling the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://thesatiricalchristian.blogspot.com/2010/11/durham-twelve-face-eviction.html"><span style="color: blue;">Octavia
Hill Estates</span></a></b> down the river established him as the indispensable batman
for the sword-wielding Captain.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">According to Jonathan Ruffer, first the deal was on - then
it wasn't.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Promises were quickly made,
and were as quickly broken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With so many
twists and turns, poor Ruffer has been constantly having to watch his back with
the audience crying "He's behind you!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in the end, the whole deal has fallen
flat with tales of good eggs gone bad, and a decidedly unpleasant smell.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">For those who have dealt with the Church Commissioners
before, this is nothing new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Captain
and his side-kick have been running the good ship Ecclesiastica like their own
private fiefdom for some time as Jonathan Ruffer points out in his <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.churchtimes.co.uk/content.asp?id=122023"><span style="color: blue;">letter to the Church
Times</span></a></b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A combination of economic
necessity, business confidentiality and complex legal winds have enabled them
to tack against the wind of public opinion more than once in recent years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not up to the Church of England how the
Commissioners conduct their business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bishops are powerless, General Synod can only 'take note' of the
Commissioners activities, and the church at large has to pick up the moral tab.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">But this time, it would seem, when the music stopped the
Commissioners have been left holding the baby and lost £15m in the
process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All that is missing is a
Pantomime Dame - but then with all the Church of England clerics in their black
and purple cassock dresses, perhaps there is no need for one.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">So the Pantomime has turned into Tragedy with no-one
smiling, not least the people of Bishops Auckland whose pride and joy is once
again up for grabs to the highest bidder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And this time it is the Banker who has come first in the ethical league
table with the church falling some way behind.</span></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-7238366342368282912011-10-31T15:15:00.000+00:002011-10-31T15:15:56.567+00:00The Elf did it!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsgFetj4LSX7qhpf05eIICx9IvC6oycXU8QCaTJSML8q-1akqJI-LYjKFPtLZxQSl1XWg8f4HwyMQg8fH_Ia3Z3ha2mhGs1fMt2wxdvvKNw82qmQOG9k44ybqcxbfuQv1wPAeGP-wQuKc/s1600/St+Pauls+protest.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsgFetj4LSX7qhpf05eIICx9IvC6oycXU8QCaTJSML8q-1akqJI-LYjKFPtLZxQSl1XWg8f4HwyMQg8fH_Ia3Z3ha2mhGs1fMt2wxdvvKNw82qmQOG9k44ybqcxbfuQv1wPAeGP-wQuKc/s1600/St+Pauls+protest.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">And God looked at St Paul's with quizzical eyes - deep and probing - searching the heart for an answer to why, oh why his House had closed its doors....</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"Don't blame<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>us - it was the Elf!" they cried from behind closed doors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"The bombs of the Blitz couldn't stop us - the fires that raged could not close us down for long - but that Elf - he's the one to blame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guy ropes are trip hazards and access is impaired - and those troublesome middle-aged idealists might block the way for ambulances and fire engines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Elf of Safety gave us no choice!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's all his fault!"</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">And so God looked at the Elf with troubled eyes - eyes that wanted answers - eyes that searched for truth amidst all the misdirection of press releases, briefings and spin.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"Don't blame me!" said the Elf of Safety. " I was only doing my job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can't be too careful these days."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he paused for a moment before turning back with steely eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Anyway - it wasn't me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was that Goblin!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He's the real reason your House closed its doors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Goblin of Greed gets everywhere - tempting with the lure of yet more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He's the one who is to blame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He's in the offices and on the trading floors - he's at the gift shop and the Cathedral Door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He's in the suits and dinners and old school ties. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He works by offering more and more -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>then follows it up with a dose of fear - the fear of losing out - the fear of losing friends - the fear of getting left behind - you have to keep up with the Jones's you know!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He's the one to blame."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">And so God looked at the goblin with anger in his eyes - eyes that wanted answers - eyes that burned with rage.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"Well you can't blame me!" The goblin put his case.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"I didn't force anyone to do anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only showed them what's already there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What's just out of reach - but not for long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the right contacts, the right attitude, the right system, the right drive and determination - what's out of reach today can be yours tomorrow - if you only want it badly enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And once you've got it, don't let go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don't want to have to down-size, do you? You don't want to fall behind the pack.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">"But anyway," he continued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>" I can't be to blame, because according to all the important people, I don't exist!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am merely a inherent necessity <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for the wheels of prosperity to turn. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am but a figment of your imagination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bankers, Directors, and Boards are not greedy - they simply get what they deserve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if that's more than others - so what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all we all need something to aim for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"If you ask me, those protesters are to blame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the ones who are rocking the boat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the ones who are making people feel uncomfortable by their outrageous demands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Equality and justice; sharing rather than acquiring; giving rather than getting; radical ideas, upsetting the status quo.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the ones who are to blame."</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">And so God looked at the protesters with sadness in his eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because when he looked at them he saw a reflection of someone very close to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who gave up global comforts to live in local poverty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who talked of sharing and giving;<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>who knew what it felt like to be thrown out of places of worship and accused of blasphemy; <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>someone who was humoured, then rejected by the people of power.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone who had no-where to lay his head, and who camped out in public places. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And someone who finally overstepped the mark when he took direct action against the money dealers and traders of his day, before paying the final price a week later for his naive, idealistic teaching, and his refusal to compromise. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">God saw in them his Son - and saw that this won't end well...</span></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-55504964793696807302011-07-12T22:21:00.000+01:002011-07-12T22:21:39.657+01:00US preacher: ‘What I meant was the end of the News of the World’<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh08N3HlyFeCK5DXTDifVKc-9gxrDAZjtozMi_GA5Av_ylVKkCI18-Ezl52NgiemPsNKNdRPf10KUkqNx_sxS7oTP4F3xjU6NarpJeujUR1zF4OPhLzRcTolBaZb8_ItXWabHdAGiSzESQ/s1600/notw1-e1310150428757.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh08N3HlyFeCK5DXTDifVKc-9gxrDAZjtozMi_GA5Av_ylVKkCI18-Ezl52NgiemPsNKNdRPf10KUkqNx_sxS7oTP4F3xjU6NarpJeujUR1zF4OPhLzRcTolBaZb8_ItXWabHdAGiSzESQ/s320/notw1-e1310150428757.jpg" width="320" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhzOpKo55Sxi_ciJBY-iPF64dVl3hh8mcvWC6kzY4DWSKPAvMDU5DP-Ra5Ghr8CV6n7CdUbL-XpZlCztw03h83O5dJ2ASiBVhOKpb9WIwQ0WKvu7w1rMrbUU08XgY7uPlA6POBg6Crn8/s1600/Harold-Camping1-e1310150538871.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKhzOpKo55Sxi_ciJBY-iPF64dVl3hh8mcvWC6kzY4DWSKPAvMDU5DP-Ra5Ghr8CV6n7CdUbL-XpZlCztw03h83O5dJ2ASiBVhOKpb9WIwQ0WKvu7w1rMrbUU08XgY7uPlA6POBg6Crn8/s320/Harold-Camping1-e1310150538871.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Great piece from News Biscuit on the Harold Camping and the News of the World. It begins... <br />
<br />
<em>American evangelist Harold Camping has confirmed that his earlier prophecy of the end of the world, which was due to fall on 21 May this year, was in fact intended to refer to the end of the News of the World....</em><br />
<br />
Read it in full at:<br />
<a href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/07/09/us-preacher-insists-i-only-ever-predicted-the-end-of-the-news-of-the-world/">http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/07/09/us-preacher-insists-i-only-ever-predicted-the-end-of-the-news-of-the-world/</a>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-64247084747653206542011-07-08T22:01:00.001+01:002011-07-08T22:49:25.520+01:00Don't cut the grass ...<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiskVxGnndiiDOQa9LaC-P9G2AtFhs8qQZAiWuuE9XVSp02mVPFdXnP5Iy-8Gq8rJYX1DKkdzcuRLw23C1oOsF1mUz0tgiYU9BdANuuZcWpR1LlR56afIO6Tyz_zb1Oe9WK-SXgn39UqYA/s1600/long+grass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiskVxGnndiiDOQa9LaC-P9G2AtFhs8qQZAiWuuE9XVSp02mVPFdXnP5Iy-8Gq8rJYX1DKkdzcuRLw23C1oOsF1mUz0tgiYU9BdANuuZcWpR1LlR56afIO6Tyz_zb1Oe9WK-SXgn39UqYA/s320/long+grass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Gardeners at Lambeth Palace are being put on short-time working after being told to stop cutting the grass in the extensive gardens.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Following the recent House of Bishops statement on civil partnerships, a shortage of long grass has been identified in which to kick controversial issues.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">“It’s all very well making these statements,” said Harry the head gardener, “ but you have to have the long grass there in the first place – otherwise it is meaningless!”</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Following mounting criticism and press leaks, the statement from the House of Bishops announced two new reviews on same-sex relationships which will take years to complete.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">The first will consider whether clergy in Civil Partnerships can be put forward as Bishops. In the meantime, a blanket ban will be imposed on all such clergy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Observers have noted that the temporary ban does seem to be directed at one member of the clergy in particular who keeps cropping up on lists of potential bishops because of the quality of his ministry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One commentator noted that “It would probably have been easier to put a temporary ban on clergy with the initials JJ and who run a cathedral.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the Church of England wants to be seen to be fair and equal in its discrimination – hence the blanket ban. </span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">“This one only requires a relatively small amount of long grass at present” said a Lambeth Palace official “although one can never tell how it might drag on.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, the Church might to decide to extend the ‘temporary ban’ if agreement can’t be reached - at least long enough for the said clergyman to be too old for consideration.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">The second (which will require a good deal more long grass) is a re-evaluation of the churches attitude to same-sex relationships. “This one is going to take a huge area” said Harry, "especially with the potential for people to try to rake up the grass and bring things out into the open.”</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Privately, Harry expressed doubt that Lambeth Palace actually had enough grass to cover this one over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“We might have to look for help elsewhere” he said in hushed tones. “It might be that other Bishops palaces will have to grow their grass too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And even long grass has to be cut sometimes – otherwise it all gets very messy.”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">As a result of all this, it is rumoured that Church House is considering the creation of a new Department of Grass Management and Acquisition (DOGMA) to coordinate the programme.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be run by the Church of England Press Office which has extensive experience in 'managing' stories of public interest.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It will be such a shame” said Harry sadly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The gardens here used to be so beautiful, and now they are going to become more like a jungle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, it might make some members of the Anglican Communion feel more at home…”</span></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="_GoBack"></a><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-91588619823880036092011-06-25T22:43:00.002+01:002011-06-25T22:54:01.367+01:00Ryanization options for the CofE<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx72M53x99HyBUb58alh_nFuOl2_W8S9a3U4f7cMPKvGaJktyUTe6Tg7wEaZB94d9uiP8JzDd7VAaJKFJ0Tgade377zpzGZcqgDqQyf_OqDEY6YY6PiVthnamL5eX_vAMS9EUgNKyUgcU/s1600/ryanair+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhx72M53x99HyBUb58alh_nFuOl2_W8S9a3U4f7cMPKvGaJktyUTe6Tg7wEaZB94d9uiP8JzDd7VAaJKFJ0Tgade377zpzGZcqgDqQyf_OqDEY6YY6PiVthnamL5eX_vAMS9EUgNKyUgcU/s320/ryanair+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Arguments are brewing at this summer's General Synod on putting an end to </span><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2006039/End-Ryanair-fees-church-weddings-choirs-organists-extra.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"><strong>'Ryanair' style wedding fees</strong></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> where many churches add numerous hidden extras to the basic fee.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">It might well be a hotly contested debate and it is not clear what the outcome will be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While some are bitterly opposed to hidden extras like charges for heating, bells, and organists, others see an opportunity for the Church of England to extend the approach to Sunday Services.</span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"This a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>great opportunity to enhance service satisfaction rates" said a former marketing consultant for RyanAire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Entry to church services could still be free,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but a range of enhancement options could make going to church more pleasurable while raising extra funds."</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Seating upgrades would be real winner with church-goers being offered a premium seating experience for a small additional fee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These seats would be near radiators, and come with a cushion <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- but in contrast to most <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>theatre or concert venues, the most expensive seats would be at the back where demand is greatest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the really committed however, a small number of comfortable seats could be made available instead of pews for a truly 1st Class experience.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Other options could include Audio Commentary (from the ex church warden who is always muttering his way through services),<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Liquid Heating Aids (hot water bottles) in churches without heating, and Children's Activity Packs to keep the little blighters quiet.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Most controversially, some have proposed a small additional fee for receiving Communion, but marketing consultants have pointed out that a change of £1 is less than half the cost of a drink at most Costa Coffee outlets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is that compared to the promise of eternal life?</span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Analysts have calculated that the average income from church-goers would increase from the </span><a href="http://www.parishresources.org.uk/givingforlife/GS1723%20'Giving%20for%20Life'.pdf"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">current £8.63 per week</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> in voluntary offerings to over £12 per week resulting in cash bonanza for most parish churches.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"It's a win-win scenario" said a spokesperson.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"We can raise funds, improve service satisfaction rates and appeal to the premier end of the audience spectrum."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">A full list of customer enhancement options can be viewed below:</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Seating upgrade:<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>£1 at the front </span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span>£2 at the back</span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 6;"> </span>£10 for a comfortable seat</span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Hymn Books and Service Guides<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>£1 each or £2 for a full set</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Audio Commentary<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>£2.50</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Communion - bread and wine<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>£1</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Name on the Intercession List<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span>£1</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Hot water bottle (for churches without heating) £2</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Children's Activity Pack<span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span>£1</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Wake-up call at the end of the sermon<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span>£3</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Loyalty Reward Cards will also be available with discounts for regular attenders.</span></o:p></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-10973953456676147782011-06-21T11:09:00.001+01:002011-06-21T11:13:28.792+01:00How to Legalize Discrimination....<div align="left" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtjuLWSNAb9qv5MXapb4LFVzhG-v8ry-jFBkwe0JWFD4ouh3jSSxXY_5IWWxiDNWPizCrVdCU1V99Bv8smthOGIv3arEAOCbM7-LG2bTx5pOPsbaHBCuPeZlFCt1Ok0rfEFPSV1T4-7I/s1600/I+love+lawyers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMtjuLWSNAb9qv5MXapb4LFVzhG-v8ry-jFBkwe0JWFD4ouh3jSSxXY_5IWWxiDNWPizCrVdCU1V99Bv8smthOGIv3arEAOCbM7-LG2bTx5pOPsbaHBCuPeZlFCt1Ok0rfEFPSV1T4-7I/s1600/I+love+lawyers.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is reported that he Church of England legal office is planning a new publication which could raise millions for the cash strapped church.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The publication, "<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Discrimination and how to legalise it</i></b>" draws on expertise which has been built up over the years in avoiding having to comply with inconvenient Government legislation on equality and discrimination.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"We are world leaders in Discrimination Avoidance" said an unnamed source, "and it is about time we started cashing in!"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">'Discrimination Avoidance' is understood to be the moral equivalent to 'Tax Avoidance' where experts use the law to create or find loop-holes which enable their clients to get around having to comply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Accountants and specialist tax advisers can make millions for themselves (and their clients) in the field of Tax Avoidance, and now the Church of England aims to rake in the cash by helping other bodies to find a way out of Equalities legislation.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"There are many potential groups out there who don't like Equality legislation, and we believe we can help them achieve their aims" said a nameless lawyer in a very big car.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The publication will have 2 sections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first will deal with how to get exemptions written into primary legislation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The second will give advice on how to worm your way out when your particular exemption has been spotted and rejected by law makers.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"The best way by far is to get an exemption written into Law" said the Archbishop's Advisor on Legalised Discrimination.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"All you have to do is to find some obscure statement of belief and claim to be a religious movement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Get it written into the legislation and the rest will follow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Potentially this could apply to almost anything - gender, age, sexual orientation, marital status, and inside leg measurements are just some of the possible areas."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"But if that fails" he said seriously, "there is always a way for a religious group to worm their way out - if you have a good enough lawyer!"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One recent example is <a href="http://live.churchofengland.org/media/1281174/gs%20misc%20992.pdf"><strong>the advice which the Church of England Legal Office</strong></a> gave on celibate homosexual clergy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was one area which had been overlooked by Bishops and their lawyers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"We had made sure that bonking gay priests couldn't become Bishops, but we never considered the possibility of them actually going so far as to submit to celibacy!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a result, we are having to do some pretty fancy footwork around public repentance and focus of unity issues to make sure they can't get in!"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the tricks is to use lots of double negatives in legal advice in the hope of confusing people so much that they simply nod in agreement rather than to show their ignorance.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If the book goes well, a Church of England Consultancy Service (CECS) could be set up in the new year to sell their expertise on the open market.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So far expressions of interest have been received from the BNP, the Taliban, and several African leaders at the UN who are anxious to stop their countries being 'infected by the western cancer of human rights'.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The publication is scheduled to be launched in Westminster in the Autumn - to a room of invited guests only.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Church House security staff will be on hand to ensure that "if your name's not on the list - you're not coming in."<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><br />
</div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-90977380555535795752011-06-04T09:04:00.002+01:002011-06-04T09:07:56.125+01:00Westboro Baptists make KKK seem respectable!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2DetaLySnFOZoseWuq9P8-ldQ7z9hETyS_g3iJaz_uTmu3k_UewqbS1BMCZy3PHReVjbQQQS-ZHu67IQCWESYZyPsQPTROrbEWn2C-jtPfcgxH9pB3GkdLSqw2JPrMBIXfUWi8u4EYak/s1600/westboro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2DetaLySnFOZoseWuq9P8-ldQ7z9hETyS_g3iJaz_uTmu3k_UewqbS1BMCZy3PHReVjbQQQS-ZHu67IQCWESYZyPsQPTROrbEWn2C-jtPfcgxH9pB3GkdLSqw2JPrMBIXfUWi8u4EYak/s1600/westboro.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">In a remarkable turn of events the Ku Klux Klan has come to the defence of sanity as it </span><a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/blogpost/post/klu-klux-klan-protests-westboro-baptist-church-video/2011/05/31/AGgoiPFH_blog.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"><strong>protested against Westboro Baptists</strong></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> at a ceremony to honour fallen American soldiers.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">KKK members turned out to support US Soldiers because of the presence of the Westboro picket who displayed their usual placards proclaiming (amongst other things)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">God Hates You!</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Obama is the Beast</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">God Hates Your Prayers</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You Eat Your Kids</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thank God for Dead Soldiers</span></span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Compared to that, the KKK appeared to be entirely reasonable.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">But wouldn't you think that when the KKK turns up to say that you are too extreme - you might just think twice about what you are doing?</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not a bit of it -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a Westboro Church member is reported to have said, "The KKK have no moral authority on anything"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>although this does seem rich from the group which pickets the funerals of soldiers and homosexuals, singing and shouting words of hatred in the name of God.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">What the KKK will do with their new found respectability is anyone's guess, but one thing is for sure - since the US Supreme Court ruled in favour of Westboro Baptist Church in March, these 'Christians'<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>will be free spread their message of a God who hates, and a Church which is always ready to condemn.</span></div><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">Perhaps one day however, when the final trumpet sounds, and the books are opened in heaven, these purveyors of hatred and prejudice will stand side by side at the throne of God ready to hear his immortal words...</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Now I wonder what God will say ...?</span></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-84725468410724178702011-05-18T22:33:00.001+01:002011-05-18T22:40:04.332+01:00Three days to go ...!<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyEnxMojT8Ay8yDoWFtbsHyYuNgqsTKPBN3PldVqK27_ExMFcLc-vcLaUQ3ZkkNFHtuidGygaYZ12pFgns10UPbki1hOSng9eDDDzQIHOJdFxQ3cmMNgErDYX3qOjJl1Jh7OP1x7eWZSo/s1600/JudgmentDayBillboard+new.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5608169999914966818" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyEnxMojT8Ay8yDoWFtbsHyYuNgqsTKPBN3PldVqK27_ExMFcLc-vcLaUQ3ZkkNFHtuidGygaYZ12pFgns10UPbki1hOSng9eDDDzQIHOJdFxQ3cmMNgErDYX3qOjJl1Jh7OP1x7eWZSo/s320/JudgmentDayBillboard+new.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 164px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 10px; width: 250px;" /></a><br />
<div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Following our last post , </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">'The End is Nigh!' </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>things have moved really, really fast, and there are just 3 shopping days left before Judgement!</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Earthquakes, wars, and an obscure Biblical formula that makes the Da Vinci Code look like kindergarten, have confirmed that judgment will commence at 6pm on </span><a href="http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Saturday 21st May</span></a><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;"> - unless of course you live in </span></span><a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/09/samoa-plans-to-move-clocks-24-hours"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Samoa</span></a><span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-family: Calibri;">because they can't decide which side of the international date line they're on.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">When asked which 6pm, judgment predictor<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Camping"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Harold Camping</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> is<br />
reported to have said "American of course!" although he declined to<br />
say whether this meant East Coast, West Coast of somewhere in between.</span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">A world-wide poster campaign, advertisements and </span><a href="http://judgementday2011.com/rapture-ready-t-shirts/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">'Rapture Ready'T-shirts @ $18.90</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> have been alerting the world to this impending doom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is emphasised however, that the T-shirts will be available for a limited time only.</span></div><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Many dates have been used to predict the end of world through the centuries including:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1st January 1000</b>, and, oh yes, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1st January 2000</b></span></span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1284</b> which Pope Innocent III computed by adding 666 years onto the<br />
date that Islam was founded.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">21st March 1843 and 22 October 1844</b> according to William Miller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In response, many Christians sold all their possessions and quit their jobs, only to call the second date "The Great Disappointment" after nothing happened.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1890 </b>when the founder of Mormons would have been 85 years old (if he had lived that long)</span></span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" name="wts"></a></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt 36pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="mso-bookmark: wts;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">1914</b></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975</b> according to the Watchtower Society - 1975 being the favourite because it was 6000 years since the creation of Adam.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">The fact that these predictions did not come true has not deterred Harold Camping from making his prediction, and has not deterred many from following him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neither has the fact that he also predicted the end of the world for 6th September 1994.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently Jesus hadn't read the script.</span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">But don't worry if you are a little too busy to prepare this week, because the 21st May is only the beginning of the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you miss the promised earthquake and rapture (during which all true believers will fly up to heaven) there are still another 5 months to go before the earth is totally destroyed on 21st October.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So plenty more shopping days to squeeze in.</span></div><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">If you are a little sceptical however, there is another option - you could buy the other T-shirt being offered by the campaign - the </span><a href="http://judgementday2011.com/is-may-21st-judgement-day-fake/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">"I survived Judgment Day 2011" T-shirt retailing at $20.40</span></a><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <br />
</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Or then again, you could just read your Bible - </span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2024:36-42&version=NIV"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;">Matthew 24:36-42</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: large;"> might help...</span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> <br />
</span></span></div></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-36968142301162898102011-04-27T09:28:00.007+01:002011-04-27T09:49:13.767+01:00The End is Nigh!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPWWI272CTsSh1OLAVBR1OdgCm6ftzhWntIDSbfHqixAgMKpIZTZc0w75r8DcnUcy8iJkZqKJojQYKxKOw2l0BUz9Vy-hFmnJQc-B1zyzOXGOX0QxdVTaPzUlFBVb_GFbQLkfITc82Idk/s1600/End-of-the-World+1.jpg"><span style="font-size:130%;"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5600177663265025826" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPWWI272CTsSh1OLAVBR1OdgCm6ftzhWntIDSbfHqixAgMKpIZTZc0w75r8DcnUcy8iJkZqKJojQYKxKOw2l0BUz9Vy-hFmnJQc-B1zyzOXGOX0QxdVTaPzUlFBVb_GFbQLkfITc82Idk/s320/End-of-the-World+1.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> <span style="font-family:Calibri;">The rise of homosexuality is a clear sign that the </span></span><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">end of the world is nigh</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;">!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span><br /></span><br /><div><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Such is the verdict from the head of the Anglican Church in Nigeria, Archbishop Okoh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In a </span><a href="http://www.anglican-nig.org/main.php?k_j=12&d=534&p_t=index.php?"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">wide ranging interview</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">, he clearly identified the acceptance of homosexual relationships as evidence that "we are in the end time and in this end time there are boundless opportunities of evil."<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Biblical scholars will immediately remember the verse in </span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+24&version=NIV"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Matthew 24</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">, squeezed between the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">'increase of wickedness'</i> and the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">'abomination that causes desolation'</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>You know - the one that says "<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">when the day of gay marriage arises, flea to the mountains...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>how dreadful it will be</i>".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">It may also be possible, of course, that the Archbishop thinks that the likes of Gene Robinson might already be the '</span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2024:15-16&version=NIV"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">abomination standing in the holy place'</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;"> - so that would be another piece of the apocalyptic jigsaw set in place.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">This eschatology fits in well with Anglican Mainstream's warnings of prison and persecution for Christians which will follow the acceptance of gay marriage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">They recently highlighted the case of David Parker from Lexington Massachusetts who, </span><a href="http://www.anglican-mainstream.net/2011/03/15/why-the-fight-must-go-on/"><span style="font-size:130%;">according to their blog</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;">, was "arrested and sent to jail when he insisted that school officials notify him when teaching his 6 year old son about homosexuality and transgenderism".<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">The reality was not quite so dramatic however.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Mr Parker objected to a cartoon picture book illustrating different kinds of families.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The book </span><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/188367266X/ref=asc_df_188367266X2695063?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&tag=googlecouk06-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22206&creativeASIN=188367266X#reader_188367266X"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;color:#0000ff;">"Who's in a family"</span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"> describes itself as a book which "</span><span style="font-family:Calibri;">Shows the various combinations of individuals that can make up a family, <strong><span style="mso-bidi-: minor-bidi">emphasizing the positive aspects of different family structures, including grand-parent headed, single-parent, adopted, gay-headed, and mother-father families</span></strong>."</span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">This was beyond the pale for the Parkers who demanded that they be called in advance whenever their child would be exposed to such subversive disgusting sexuality.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">The school felt that this would create an impossible situation because, amongst other reasons, there were other children at the school with the same kind of subversive disgusting gay parents.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">When he turned up at school and refused to leave until his demands were met, the school finally resorted to phoning the police when he was still there long after they wanted to lock up for the night.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">When the police arrived, he goaded the police saying "If I am not under arrest, I am not leaving" which resulted in his arrest for trespass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Upon arriving at the police station, he then refused to be bailed and so spent the night in the cells before appearing in court the following morning when he was fined and released.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But this is nowhere near as sensational as the pre-apocalyptic <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">'prepare to be sent to prison for your faith</i>' approach that Anglican Mainstream have chosen to take.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">No doubt they had in mind the words of Jesus again:</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. </span><a name="20"></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it... All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved." (Matthew 10:18+)<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But I'm<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>not sure that refusing to leave a kindergarten was quite what Jesus had in mind.</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">So is the end of the world upon us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Are we in the end times?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Well we might be, of course, but can it really be because we have recognised that two people of the same sex can love each other?</span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Or could it be because</span><a name="7"></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"> there are' <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">wars and rumours of wars<a name="8"></a>...nation rising against nation, and kingdom against kingdom, famines and earthquakes</i>'.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>(</span><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2024:6-8&version=NIV"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Matthew 24:6&7</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></p><br /><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Let's see - I know which I would bet on.</span></p></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-69996266612792362062011-04-19T09:32:00.005+01:002011-04-19T09:45:28.334+01:00Holy Week<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXUiihISC2Fj8Sm5lEVdMTcLLyLCCFElXgA39CbCmjtZYn5ummU9fOkldcF8nBNNbMJ8nssviHw0D58pNOsM04H0M2u7ozFsWjbOymLd7G3tiHQwzdwD6RJdhPwXs75FQUm8dzIviuJB8/s1600/Salvador+Dali+-+Christ+of+St+John+of+the+Cross-A-AP.jpg"><span style="font-size:130%;"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 178px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5597212440856063026" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXUiihISC2Fj8Sm5lEVdMTcLLyLCCFElXgA39CbCmjtZYn5ummU9fOkldcF8nBNNbMJ8nssviHw0D58pNOsM04H0M2u7ozFsWjbOymLd7G3tiHQwzdwD6RJdhPwXs75FQUm8dzIviuJB8/s320/Salvador+Dali+-+Christ+of+St+John+of+the+Cross-A-AP.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-size:130%;"><em>"There is a time for everything<br />and a season for every activity under heaven...<br /><br />a time to weep and a tiem to laugh,<br />a time to mourn and a time to dance,<br />a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them."<br />(Ecclesiastes 3)<br /></em><br />We are taking a break during this Holy Week so as not to distract from the most profound act of selfless love the world has ever seen.<br /><br />May God Bless You and Inspire You this Easter.<br /><br />The Satirical Christian.<br /><br /></span></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-70080191037262602542011-04-06T19:05:00.002+01:002011-04-06T21:14:56.461+01:00Lesley's Blog: Ten Reasons NOT to have Men Bishops<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwiblPKoGuy84PqtIvmNEX3TP63MIjKBSNDxZiav1WlzXfnzQkUgUnyuvkxOX-4DfYRPKjWhdQON4oRkOdB75a5hM5D85Q9mO6x0Zs3Z0LYc_n0xcvAw6EOfAQQxtdA9IUCp8_DFUuTv8/s1600/Harstad-SmithShelley+600+portrait_thumb%255B1%255D.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 200px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 191px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5592534417667488626" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwiblPKoGuy84PqtIvmNEX3TP63MIjKBSNDxZiav1WlzXfnzQkUgUnyuvkxOX-4DfYRPKjWhdQON4oRkOdB75a5hM5D85Q9mO6x0Zs3Z0LYc_n0xcvAw6EOfAQQxtdA9IUCp8_DFUuTv8/s200/Harstad-SmithShelley+600+portrait_thumb%255B1%255D.jpg" /></a> <br /><div><a href="http://revdlesley.blogspot.com/2011/04/ten-reasons-not-to-have-men-bishops.html">Lesley's Blog: Ten Reasons NOT to have Men Bishops</a></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>This is an excellent satire from another world! Do follow the link and enjoy!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>In fact, I often think that those who oppose women bishops to the point where they will not allow others to enbrace women bishops are from another world! (Just not the same other world as this other world!!!)</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-31485526993978709822011-04-03T21:24:00.006+01:002011-04-04T16:14:14.182+01:00Durham Twelve Saved!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTyFkd7iI90i3R9sOo5YYZsGcF_DGanQOuD2LhBHRn20n3Ak47r8VcFU32J_H4zMJfUb_SOCkqn77dVvZTHCioYetSrul9iD9HHtaLEXXgXkaHFob9xBvYWCbwmwwhnpbl5uUPxKth9Tk/s1600/zurburan+1.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 212px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591456851066211314" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTyFkd7iI90i3R9sOo5YYZsGcF_DGanQOuD2LhBHRn20n3Ak47r8VcFU32J_H4zMJfUb_SOCkqn77dVvZTHCioYetSrul9iD9HHtaLEXXgXkaHFob9xBvYWCbwmwwhnpbl5uUPxKth9Tk/s320/zurburan+1.jpg" /></a> <br /><div><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">Following on from our <a href="http://thesatiricalchristian.blogspot.com/2010/11/durham-twelve-face-eviction.html"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="color:#0000ff;">earlier report</span></b></a>, the Church Commissioners are delighted to announce that the Durham 12 have been saved from eviction by a generous <a href="http://www.churchtimes.co.uk/content.asp?id=110027"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="color:#0000ff;">donation of £15m</span></b></a> by an investment manager.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">The Church Commissioners had planned to sell the famous paintings to save on insurance and use the money raised for mission and ministry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But now, the extra-ordinary generosity of this gift will ensure that the paintings can stay, (although <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">still more money</i> will be needed to develop them as a visitor </span><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">attraction).<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><a href="http://www.london.anglican.org/BishopOfLondon"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="mso-bidi-: minor-latin;font-family:Calibri;" ><span style="font-size:130%;color:#0000ff;">The Bishop of London</span></span></b></a></span><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"> celebrated the donation saying that <span style="color:black;">it </span><span style="color:#ffffff;">“has made that rarest of scenarios possible: the best of both worlds”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';color:#ffffff;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><span style="color:#ffffff;">It seems, however, that in celebrating the ‘best of both worlds’, he seems to have forgotten the 3<sup>rd</sup> world, where such a generous donation could have:-<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">Built <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">3,000 Classrooms</b> fully equipped with desks, and blackboards</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">Plus provide <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">12,000 Libraries</b> for existing classrooms,</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"></span><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">And provide Farming Tools, Seeds and Fertiliser to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">100,000 families</b></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">(Source<a href="http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped"><span style="color:#0000ff;">: <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">Oxfam Unwrapped</b></span></a>)<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">Alternatively the donation could have provided access to safe water, sanitation, and hygiene education to <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">1 Million people</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">(Source<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal">: </b><a href="http://www.wateraid.org/uk/"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="color:#0000ff;">WaterAid</span></b></a>)<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">Doubtless people living in poverty in sub-Saharan Africa will be just as delighted that this act of generosity will be used to ‘save’ these paintings.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">It has also emerged that the £15m donation will be spent on creating a charitable trust for the paintings, not for mission and ministry, as was planned if the paintings had been sold.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">So hats off to the Church Commissioners for ensuring that the most important things have been ‘saved’ – not the million people in poverty whose lives will continue to be at risk from water-borne diseases – not the people who would might have been spiritually ‘saved’ by financing mission, ministry and evangelism in the Church of England – but the paintings.<o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';"><o:p></o:p></span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:'Verdana', 'sans-serif';">“It’s good to know that the futures of so many people have been sacrificed for us” said a spokesperson for the Durham 12, “because that is what the Church is all about!”<o:p></o:p></span></p></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-20729565674631410922011-03-29T23:07:00.013+01:002011-03-29T23:58:35.407+01:00Ecclesiastical Dominos<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcUy42GWMGhTvOrTT1xcPTyJ7KlWnFod-crMUe1r4KBvce4QS1jErVkhJePEBfYcRa2Pon7aVtfAumjZPNxugXQcd8cYqiset_As0DTDbbeN2Wdob_DU6c2YPXNL573W-c0rEQ2DkwiR4/s1600/domino_effect+1.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 242px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589628152259772802" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcUy42GWMGhTvOrTT1xcPTyJ7KlWnFod-crMUe1r4KBvce4QS1jErVkhJePEBfYcRa2Pon7aVtfAumjZPNxugXQcd8cYqiset_As0DTDbbeN2Wdob_DU6c2YPXNL573W-c0rEQ2DkwiR4/s320/domino_effect+1.jpg" /></a> <br /><div><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">How do you get people to vote for something they don’t want?</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">In the Church of England, it’s easy. You employ the domino effect.</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Take the Anglican Covenant, for instance. It is clear that many people in the Church of England are deeply suspicious of it. In the debate in General Synod last November many voices raised deep misgivings about it, even among the House of Bishops. In fact, enough people were sufficiently concerned to mean that if the vote was taken purely on what people thought, it would probably have been chucked out there and then.</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">But a clever ploy was used. People who were inclined to vote against it were told that it would be wrong to do that because, after all they were only voting to pass it on to Dioceses for consideration. If they voted against it, therefore, they would actually be voting against the democratic process of the Church of England, by denying Diocesan Synods the opportunity to have their say. What was the result? The vote was overwhelmingly in favour, despite the misgivings of the many. The first domino was set.</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">The second domino is being set up now, because as the Covenant is taken round the Dioceses, they are being told a different story. They are being told that the Covenant must be a good thing because, after all, General Synod voted for it by such a large majority! Hence, obedient Diocesan Synods do not need to question the Covenant too closely before voting in favour.</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">If this strategy succeeds, then the third and final domino will take the Covenant all the way to ratification. Because when it returns to General Synod for a final vote, it will be pointed out to members that Diocesan Synods have voted in favour, so how could they possibly vote against? </span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">All because of the domino effect… Set them up and knock the first one over - the rest will simply follow.</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">So the next time you need someone to vote for something they don’t want and don’t agree with, take some advice from the Church of England, because where there’s a will, there’s always a way. The real beauty is that it doesn’t require a single lie – just masterful misdirection.</span></p></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-40817308145470286172011-02-27T23:35:00.009+00:002011-02-28T08:44:21.537+00:00Archbishop Upholds Marriage ...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7xut-1l5coNayKyQKd87wzsCCunrBdoPvBLSirLZsWE8sFOpNk9BEdJJS7I0KGGDypaIfWQ7uV46_Zk5e0KskfRo9e5ck6MVBmorhyphenhyphenSobkQiBlSnPBt5tbwEbivJj5G-3shHIUAT2Q5c/s1600/david-horsey-Cartoon20101215.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 298px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578519125451311954" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7xut-1l5coNayKyQKd87wzsCCunrBdoPvBLSirLZsWE8sFOpNk9BEdJJS7I0KGGDypaIfWQ7uV46_Zk5e0KskfRo9e5ck6MVBmorhyphenhyphenSobkQiBlSnPBt5tbwEbivJj5G-3shHIUAT2Q5c/s400/david-horsey-Cartoon20101215.jpg" /></a><br /><div><div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">It is good to hear than the <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/religion/8349321/Archbishop-says-the-Church-will-resist-Government-moves-on-gay-marriage.html">Archbishop of Canterbury has assured MP's </a>that "it would not countenance weakening its teaching on marriage".</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">According to the Daily Telegraph, he has been quite clear that the Church of England will "not be dictated to by the Government" on Civil Partnerships or same-sex Marriage.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">This is particularly impressive as the Church of England has such a solid track record on upholding the sanctity of marriage and resisting government pressure.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Let us not forget that the CofE's raison d'être came from the problem of marriage in the court of King Henry VIII. </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Faced with the perfect storm of a wife who would not produce male children, a mistress who was pregnant, and a Pope that was dragging his feet, the Church of England was born in order to dissolve the King's unfortunate marriage of 24 years.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">When the then Archbishop of Canterbury, Thomas Cranmer declared the marriage invalid (whatever that means) this enabled Henry to marry his pregnant mistress Anne Boleyn - except oops, Henry had already married her 4 months before the first marriage was 'dissolved'. Nice one, Archbishop! Of course things had to look right so the Archbishop married them again, just to be on the safe side.</span></p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><blockquote><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><em>It is good to know that the CofE will "not countenance weakening its teaching on marriage".</em></span></p></blockquote><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">Of course nothing like that could ever happen today.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">Apart from the fact that the heir to the throne is now married to his mistress - the mistress who he had an affair with, for much of the duration of his first marriage. Oh yes, and she was married at the time as well.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">But that is ok, because the CofE did not marry them - it just Blessed their Marriage in the Royal Chapel at St George's Windsor, and guess who led the service of Blessing - The Archbishop of Canterbury!</span></p><span style="font-family:verdana;"><blockquote><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;"><em>But of course, It is good to know that the CofE will "not countenance weakening its teaching on marriage".</em></span></p></blockquote><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"></span><span style="font-family:verdana;">In fact, when we think about it, there has been very little change. When Prince Charles becomes King, the <a href="http://www.royal.gov.uk/MonarchUK/QueenandChurch/QueenandtheChurchofEngland.aspx">'Defender of the Faith and Supreme Governor of the Church of England' </a>will still be an adulterer who then married his mistress - just like Henry VIII.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">In the Archbishop's eyes, the most important thing about marriage seems to be that we keep gay people out. 'No marriage, no blessing' appears to be the mantra of the Church of England when it comes to gay couples, but not to anyone else.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">After all, we all need someone to look down on - someone to help us ignore all the ways in which we screw up God's ideals - someone on whom we can heap all the blame for not upholding marriage as we should.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:verdana;">And so, the CofE will "not countenance weakening its teaching on marriage" - because after all, it upholds it so well.</span></p></div></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-43431992656986846402011-02-18T13:46:00.007+00:002011-02-18T16:57:17.805+00:00New Anti-Vows for Homosexuals<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikl8NxJXuwgahVdJsfL6vC74VXpFxLCzw8OIw8qVfs3axWkGtUsAOXzn6fJzCq4Udmd2ZhbjOsY6TwSHNo8O5PtduISUgVWhyUcyGwErgdLhw3BVD6vQtRRcAfUmJIo5WjdPxTNkSTvG4/s1600/nose+ring.jpg"><span style="font-size:130%;"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 197px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 256px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5575027343801362418" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikl8NxJXuwgahVdJsfL6vC74VXpFxLCzw8OIw8qVfs3axWkGtUsAOXzn6fJzCq4Udmd2ZhbjOsY6TwSHNo8O5PtduISUgVWhyUcyGwErgdLhw3BVD6vQtRRcAfUmJIo5WjdPxTNkSTvG4/s320/nose+ring.jpg" /></span></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> </span><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"><em><strong>This post has been inspired by the frenetic activity and near hysteria by conservative lobby groups following the UK Government's announcement that religious buildings can be used for Civil Partnerships. Enjoy ....</strong></em></span> <div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><strong><em><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></em></strong></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">In the light of recent state sponsored persecution of conservative evangelicals, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Anglican Extreme</i> is to introduce its own ‘Anti-Vows' for those unlucky enough to fall into their clutches.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">“As these are clearly the days of the Anti-Christ” said Nisa Lolland, “We feel the time is right to develop ‘Anti-Vows’ to combat the growing threat to Christianity by homosexuals.”</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Any man found having a friend of the same sex, or a secret copy of YMCA by The Village People, will be required to affirm their conservative credentials by making the following public vows in church alongside their ‘so-called’ friend.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">(N)</i>, will you reject this man</span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">never to be your wedded husband?</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Will you shun him, avoid him, </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">honour your church above him and abandon him</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">and forsaking all others, </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">be faithful to this impossible burden</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">as long as you shall both shall live ?</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Answer:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I will.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></o:p></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">(name)</i> do not take you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">(name)</i></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">to be my lawful wedded husband.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">For I cannot have you</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">and am not permitted to hold you</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">from this day forward,</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">for I'd better do as I am told, or it will be worse for me.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">I will not celebrate with you in riches</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">I cannot share with you in poverty</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Even when you suffer sickness </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">I will not comfort you for the good of my spiritual health,</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">since our sexuality and our church do us part</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">according to what I have been told in the Law.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt 36pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">In the presence of all who disapprove, I make this miserable, solemn vow</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></o:p></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">It’s the only way to be sure”, said Nisa Lolland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“Desperate times call for desperate measures.”</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">There will also be a separate version developed for women who show unnatural affections, and all participants will be required to wear a ring through their nose ever after as a sign and a warning to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“That should do the trick” Nisa said privately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"After all the Bible does call us to make everyone 'Come Out' from among them."</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">The Anglican Liturgical Commission has indicated that it would be happy to look at these new vows, but said that it could not possibly complete a report for General Synod until at least 2662.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In the meantime, many conservative churches are expected to go ahead without synodical approval.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>“We obey God not Synod” said a spokesman “We just expect everyone else to obey Synod.”</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></o:p></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Full copies of the proposed Anti-</span><a name="_GoBack"></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Marriage Vows can be found on the Church of England Website – search for “Extreme is the new Mainstream” on the new Church Fashion pages.</span></p></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-40083146505308727212011-02-02T19:52:00.004+00:002011-02-02T20:00:23.335+00:00No food thrown at the Primates Tea Party!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq39443BCUdBNHtRhm6C0KQ7cySEyIa0nBuvHe0vM1hHXO33ckSpEMYCqjKO76XdclzFlX8iVZx6-9Hn_1ttS6SNQADaSp94qN1zb_u0zuGDx6JEH_Rje0ANccobymjzMUjoK5V07S66o/s1600/tea+party.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 244px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569183516803338146" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq39443BCUdBNHtRhm6C0KQ7cySEyIa0nBuvHe0vM1hHXO33ckSpEMYCqjKO76XdclzFlX8iVZx6-9Hn_1ttS6SNQADaSp94qN1zb_u0zuGDx6JEH_Rje0ANccobymjzMUjoK5V07S66o/s320/tea+party.jpg" /></a><br /><div><div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">There was no food thrown at the recent </span><a href="http://www.anglicancommunion.org/acns/news.cfm/2011/1/26/ACNS4673"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Primates Tea Party</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"> despite there being plenty of sandwiches left over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Attendance was down at the Party, due to a boycott by several Primates, but table manners have definitely made a comeback!</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">The Primates Tea Party has had a chequered history of late, with numerous politically correct pundits saying its days were numbered. </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">In the early days of this international spectacle, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>the behaviour of the Primates was impeccable, mainly due to the degree of deference which the Primates offered to the undisputed α-male, the Primate of Canterbury.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But is recent years, the emergence of a strong group of male challengers has plunged the Primates Tea Party into a ugly combination of posturing, Primacy displays and food throwing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The introduction of the first α-female did nothing to help, especially when she refused to follow <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>some of the traditional conventions of the troop.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But with the challenger males absent from the latest Primates Tea Party, the remaining Primates have been able to spend time considering their respective roles, and agreeing standards of <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span></span></span><a href="http://www.aco.org/communion/primates/resources/downloads/prim_scpurpose.pdf"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">etiquette for <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>the future</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">As they considered the </span><a href="http://www.anglicancommunion.org/acns/news.cfm/2011/1/26/ACNS4677"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">meaning of being a Primate</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">, some focussed on what it means to be Prime, whilst others just wanted to be Mates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But by the end of jelly and custard on the last day, they had actually been able to agree statements on a number of significant issues, including </span><a href="http://www.aco.org/communion/primates/resources/downloads/prim_climatechange.pdf"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">climate change</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">, </span><a href="http://www.aco.org/communion/primates/resources/downloads/prim_davidkato.pdf"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">homophobic bigotry</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">, and </span><a href="http://www.aco.org/communion/primates/resources/downloads/prim_gbv.pdf"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">violence against women</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">More importantly, the Primates who attended seemed to have enjoyed having Tea together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>If this carries on, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>they might even want to meet together again, rather than just attending out of duty.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But all this progress could be in jeopardy if the α-female doesn't continue to attend - because it is her presence that keeps the challengers away.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Now she just has to sort out the Tea Party Movement...!</span></p></div></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-68484854460058183332011-01-29T16:25:00.005+00:002011-01-30T19:07:38.797+00:00The Gospel according to Uganda...<span style="font-family:Calibri;"><em>This posting is not funny - not even close. It is just sad, very sad. It is a response to the murder and <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-12306077">funeral of David Kato </a>- the Ugandan gay rights activist who was kiiled last week. It is a response to the silence and collusion of the Church of Uganda in the national demonisation of homosexuals. It is a response to a Church in Uganda which claims to be the true faith of Jesus Christ and condemns other Anglican churches for falling away...</em></span> <div><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"></span></p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyHPe1_tpj1uwxCDW2kH4hLF3QvghmsS8tWiUzegy-ncWp8W8TFX_b-Y52AdK-Vwhj_9d-A7-neC2j7UoEfH5Fmaen-RM69HAO56iOWM4SGtbBQevCbS_8DA_iPO_5QgzCIf3nKkbEcsk/s1600/bible.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 320px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567649379786972562" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyHPe1_tpj1uwxCDW2kH4hLF3QvghmsS8tWiUzegy-ncWp8W8TFX_b-Y52AdK-Vwhj_9d-A7-neC2j7UoEfH5Fmaen-RM69HAO56iOWM4SGtbBQevCbS_8DA_iPO_5QgzCIf3nKkbEcsk/s320/bible.jpg" /></a> <p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">One day when Jesus was teaching in the Temple, the teachers of the Law brought in a man caught in adultery.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">They made him appear in the national newspapers and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this man was caught in the act of adultery, and we would like the law to demand that we should stone such men.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Now what do you say?"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But Jesus bent down and started to write in the ground with his finger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone."</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, until one of them turned and said, "But Teacher, he was caught with another man."</span></p><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Then Jesus replied <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>"Why didn't you say that in the first place?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Stone him - straight away, and go looking for others who have done the same thing, so that they may be 'outed' in Rolling Stone <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>too!"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">"And when you take their funerals, remind their friends why they have been stoned, and tell them how he brought it upon himself, and how evil they all are!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">"For I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy of being Gay will not be forgiven. </span><a name="35"></a><span style="font-size:130%;">Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who dares to be homosexual will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come."<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">And the teachers of the Law congratulated Jesus on passing their test, for confirming all their prejudices, and giving them an excuse not to consider the sin of their own hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">And Jesus said, "Then neither do I condemn you - go now, and be self-righteous in your sin."<o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Reader:<span style="mso-tab-count: 2"> </span>This is NOT the Word of the Lord.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt" class="MsoNoSpacing"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Response:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1"></span>But the Church of Uganda thinks it should be.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><o:p></o:p></i></span></span></b></p></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-31627410306043035742011-01-25T23:06:00.005+00:002011-01-25T23:23:10.998+00:00An Ordinariate of Riddles ...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdUPgw2-JYZmkOaXL6wcVmB3AOzSHlycrdxvttIeK9CaA8Kk1vVZ7C8eDVu7uHQ1GEzdrFbMvhMugaRsP98qrKdq4dJNUzjP544c5n_2ItVeZ2sxaMNLtMy6C9_BXhKgyENxoxhX3jmWE/s1600/Our+Lady.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 180px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5566265012539199298" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdUPgw2-JYZmkOaXL6wcVmB3AOzSHlycrdxvttIeK9CaA8Kk1vVZ7C8eDVu7uHQ1GEzdrFbMvhMugaRsP98qrKdq4dJNUzjP544c5n_2ItVeZ2sxaMNLtMy6C9_BXhKgyENxoxhX3jmWE/s320/Our+Lady.jpg" /></a><br /><div><div><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:180%;">When is a Bishop not a Bishop?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></b></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:180%;">Answer:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When he is an Ordinary.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">This is the hot news from the new Roman Catholic Ordinariate for disaffected Anglicans.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">With 3 Anglican Bishops becoming<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>the first official members, Fr Keith Newton ( former Bishop of Richborough) has been appointed as the first Ordinary of the Ordinariate.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But the Ordinary is most definately NOT a Bishop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Got that?</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></span><a href="http://ordinariateportal.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/vatican-radio-interview-with-fr-marcus-stock/"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Fr Marcus Stock</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">, secretary general of the Catholic Bishops Council in England and Wales, has made the situation crystal clear .... "The Ordinary of the Ordinariate has similar authority and responsibilities to the diocesan Bishop, "</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But remember, he is not a Bishop....<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"He will be an ex-officio member of the Catholic Bishops Conference of England and Wales" he said.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But remember, he is not a Bishop....<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"As a member of the Conference, the Ordinary will, like a diocesan Bishop, take full part in its discussions and decisions." he said,</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But remember, he is not a Bishop....<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"The Ordinary will exercise collegiate responsibility for implementing resolutions within the life of the Ordinariate in the same way that a diocesan Bishop does within his diocese.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">So why is Fr Newton not a Bishop...? <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>Is it perhaps the fact that he is married with 3 children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Certainly, the sight of a married Bishop might be a little too much for reluctantly celibate Catholic Priests - especially as they are expressly forbidden from joining the Ordinariate with its opportunity to be a married Catholic Priest. </span></span><a href="http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/documents/rc_con_cfaith_doc_20091104_norme-anglicanorum-coetibus_en.html"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">(Article 6 of the <b><i>Anglicanorum coetibus</i></b>)</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It will be hard enough to see Ordinariate Priests from the Cof E cavorting around with their wives, but to have a church sanctioned, sexually-satisfied Bishop - that might be enough to make grown priest cry!</span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But that is not the only riddle arising from <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>potential members of the Ordinariate this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The latest comes from the former secretary of Forward in Faith, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>Capt G T Kirk, of the starship 'Oblivion' whose motto is "<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal">To boldly go where no woman can go before</i>".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">What was his riddle?</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:180%;">When is a Church not a Church?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></b></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:180%;">Answer:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When it is the Church of Sweden.<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">In an extraordinary outburst, Captian Kirk, accused the Church of Sweden of "not being a Church anymore" because it accepts the ministry of women and homosexuals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>In the </span><a href="http://www.religiousintelligence.org/churchnewspaper/"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Church of England Newspaper</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">, he condemned the "Sweden-isation of the Church of England" and warned that we are going the same way.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Some are calling for urgent action as a result, and a survey of how far this process has gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Clergy may be asked to declare how many items of IKEA furniture they own, or if they have ever cooked meatballs for members of their congregations.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Others are wondering who gave Captain Kirk the authority to decide whether a </span><a href="http://www.porvoochurches.org/whatis/index.php"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Church in communion with the Church of England</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"> is a 'proper' church or not.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">And signs of disunity are already starting to show among the 3 founder members of the Ordinariate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Unlike Fr Newton, the first Ordinary, who <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>has been gracious in his words about the Church of England, </span><a href="http://www.forwardinfaith.com/news/na2010.html"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Fr John Broadhurst</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">, former Bishop of Fulham, went on record last October, describing the CofE as </span><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1321265/Bishop-brands-Church-England-vicious-fascist-bitter-row-erupts-plans-ordain-women.html"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"vicious, vindictive, and fascist"</span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"> following his decision to join the Ordinariate.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">But at least the Pope has a sense of humour.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In naming the Ordinariate, "The Personal Ordinariate of Our Lady of Walsingham," he has, at least made sure that a woman will be at the very top of these opponents of women Bishops. </span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Talking of which, some may be tempted to ask, "If a woman was good enough to be the Mother of God, why can't a woman be a priest or bishop of God?"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">And that might just be a riddle worth pondering!</span></p></div></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9108287091853282273.post-11953124569112041232011-01-19T19:41:00.006+00:002011-01-19T20:15:37.614+00:00Unwanted Heterosexual Feelings ...?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAgCZLGysMNVWemQWTajqFJBkmBl3SRwu_YsOyzmC0B-9nfV8E8DZaheRZsD68WYemW_NArrCRSFO_tkwuevVg2WfBKHojj49cuLj1Syuk2F8pTa36f8-zCpIqAwnc-nKQ3wyvAk0R95Q/s1600/gay+test+2.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 566px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 418px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5563991255837815394" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAgCZLGysMNVWemQWTajqFJBkmBl3SRwu_YsOyzmC0B-9nfV8E8DZaheRZsD68WYemW_NArrCRSFO_tkwuevVg2WfBKHojj49cuLj1Syuk2F8pTa36f8-zCpIqAwnc-nKQ3wyvAk0R95Q/s400/gay+test+2.jpg" /></a> <div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoGUfqCoou8nunRFSd2oDy8QqHvv6VXLBUplTjib2xy497FiYnwUyrPAw7mLG1-3Y9wvsiQOVnMYtG8PoocQy0euTAqJTgocfUidD6DRqmXb3ov5dVTJkAMHJz0OTNixUg_h5MQj7twnM/s1600/gay+test+2.jpg"><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></a><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><div></span><br /><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"At last there is a cure!"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">That was the reaction of Gavin, one unhappy heterosexual who has been longing to</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4ZPl8zKu5XBNAbGqViMcE-A7BuCu7CONHL80vGJ8xWNZMf3GAvNSGgT3FV5Klssm5NIAPwJIf3js9rf5ZELfY876219NaUAg9ZUU3HAJxcPUFBI86POKD_qtU90x8y7vx-DnT8T0ShoE/s1600/god+hates+you.jpg"></a><span style="font-size:130%;"> be 'normal' for years.</span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"I have always known it was wrong" he went on, "But I can't control it!"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"All my friends are gay, and I haven't known what to do...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I have been to Gym with them - I have exercised, been exercised, confessed, and had the demon of heterosexuality cast out of me time and time again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But I still find myself fancying women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I thought there was no hope for me."</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">But now there is hope, courtesy of a radical new therapy called "Straight-up Ministry".<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Those who enter the programme have to submit themselves to strict regime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They are not allowed to see heterosexual friends or spend time with members of the opposite sex unless they have taken a same-sex vow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>They have to read the writings of Stonewall each day and spend extensive periods of time in personal contrition.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;"><span style="font-size:130%;">In time, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>therapist Leslie Plonkerton claims, these unwanted feelings will simply fade away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"No one can stay straight forever," he says. "It's just not natural." </span></span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">"I have experimented on a number of people" he said "and although few of them ever keep in touch with me, I just feel in my heart that they must have gone gay."</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Although Leslie is under investigation by a number of professional organisations, he is unrepentant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"It is straight people who need to repent" he said, "and I can help them bend their evil ways!"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">Certainly this is music to the ears of frustrated, would-be homosexuals like Gavin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"One day I know I'll be cured" he said with a tear in his eye, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>"I have tried so long to fit in - now at last there is hope!"</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;">If you want to be cured, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>Leslie can be contacted at Gym, or via the Pink Pages.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He is accredited by the Association of Retro Sexual Therapists.</span></p><p style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 10pt" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Calibri;font-size:130%;"><em><span style="font-size:100%;">(Inspired by news that a </span></em><a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1347634/Christian-therapist-Lesley-Pilkington-claims-make-gay-men-straight-faces-sack.html"><em><span style="font-size:100%;">Christian Therapist</span></em></a><span style="font-size:100%;"><em> is facing disciplinary action for offering to 'cure' homosexuals)<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></em><br /></span></p></span></div></div></div>The Satirical Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09991012177573517242noreply@blogger.com0