21st Century opt-out ...

The UK Government has bowed to pressure from the Church of England and agreed to give it an opt-out from the 21st Century.

Following in the well-worn footsteps of previous governments, the Church of England has been given assurances that its tradition of remaining in the past can continue unchallenged.

The Church had already been given an opt-out from the 20th Century when it was given exemption from equality legislation for women.  Now it has been given the 21st Century Opt-out to exempt it from marrying gay couples.

A church spokesman welcomed the news saying that “The Church of England is totally at home in the 19th Century, and we don’t see why on earth that should change.  Any move to drag us into another century is completely against our principals.”

A government spokesperson said she couldn’t work out what all the fuss was about.  “The Church of England is famous for its anachronistic views, and we believe that it is important to maintain and strengthen the extent of its irrelevance.”

But some in the church still say that the church has a prophetic role in calling the nation back to that central tenet of faith – the importance of Victorian values.  “Why can’t everybody just be like us?” asked a member of the House of Laity.

And the Opt-out has found a welcome from an unexpected source.  The Human Secularist Society of Great Britain has expressed its delight that yet again, the Church of England has consigned itself to the museum of antiquated curiosities.  “It’s not so much prophetic, as pathetic” they said, “and that suits us just fine!”