In a decisive vote at the Church of England's General Synod, the Church of England has taken the first steps towards a new approach to ministry, replacing traditional shepherding with a new policy of factory farming.Box pews are to be re-introduced in churches up and down the country to ensure that Anglicans are confined to the very minimum of space for free thought.
"All this wasted energy on fruitless exploration is reducing the productivity of the typical Anglican" said a leading Bishop in Tuesday's General Synod debate. "Sheep ranging around the hillside is simply too much trouble" he complained.
Dioceses will now be consulted (but not too much) on the proposals to provide a suitable framework (or pen) which will not allow too much movement. Its main selling point is that Anglican sheep will be much easier to train, force-feed, and keep in line under the new 'Anglican Confinement'.
Under the new proposals, all churches previously designated "Church of the Good Shepherd" will be renamed "Church of the Factory Farm" even though it is unclear how this new approach will succeed in filling the new box pews.
In a disturbing development in Oxford, however, several Archbishops of the Anglican group NAFCON have indicated that although they support the new farming methods, they will not be joining because they believe that the boxes are not sufficiently small.
The Archbishop of Canterbury has expressed relief at the vote in General Synod, which proved once and for all that turkeys can vote for Christmas.
LOL! Love it!
ReplyDeletelove it too
ReplyDeleteJean
SC, you're right on the money.
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't the Church of England teach people how to search for God themselves and form a personal bond with him (or, heaven forbid, make their own decision about whether a god exists or not!) rather than devolving the whole of spirituality to just "a few rituals that we're supposed to do on Sunday morning".
ReplyDeleteI think you're managing to factory farm people fairly well already, 'avec ou sans' the Covenant.
Well, anyone who follows a church has no brains. Jesus said, "follow me" and He was not a church... He was God incarnate.. When we stand before God on judgement day, we are accountable for our own actions, there will be no passing the buck.
ReplyDeleteAND WE WILL ALL DIE AT SOME TIME.
I for one, read the Bible for myself, since God gave me a brain to do so. I don't need anyone to tell me if I should,or shouldn't because I don't follow other sheep, I follow the Sheppard and I love to read His diaries.