No food thrown at the Primates Tea Party!

There was no food thrown at the recent Primates Tea Party despite there being plenty of sandwiches left over. Attendance was down at the Party, due to a boycott by several Primates, but table manners have definitely made a comeback!

The Primates Tea Party has had a chequered history of late, with numerous politically correct pundits saying its days were numbered.

In the early days of this international spectacle, the behaviour of the Primates was impeccable, mainly due to the degree of deference which the Primates offered to the undisputed α-male, the Primate of Canterbury.

But is recent years, the emergence of a strong group of male challengers has plunged the Primates Tea Party into a ugly combination of posturing, Primacy displays and food throwing. The introduction of the first α-female did nothing to help, especially when she refused to follow some of the traditional conventions of the troop.

But with the challenger males absent from the latest Primates Tea Party, the remaining Primates have been able to spend time considering their respective roles, and agreeing standards of etiquette for the future.

As they considered the meaning of being a Primate, some focussed on what it means to be Prime, whilst others just wanted to be Mates. But by the end of jelly and custard on the last day, they had actually been able to agree statements on a number of significant issues, including climate change, homophobic bigotry, and violence against women.

More importantly, the Primates who attended seemed to have enjoyed having Tea together. If this carries on, they might even want to meet together again, rather than just attending out of duty.

But all this progress could be in jeopardy if the α-female doesn't continue to attend - because it is her presence that keeps the challengers away.

Now she just has to sort out the Tea Party Movement...!